The Conscious Drifting
by JdTune14
Summary: Please review, not sure if I like it but thats probably because i am still in the beginning


The Journal of a Lost Boy Chapter 1

Chapter 1

After the death of my dad, I've been shut off from others, but my girlfriend Bridget Jackson and my therapist has helped me get there, slowly. That's actually the reason why I am writing this journal, my therapist said it would be a better long-term solution than she would. Lets just hope she's right, she usually is, she has helped me come a long way, I don't know if I would be where I am without her. At least I think this journal will help. It does feel kind of weird writing my feelings in a book, I feel like a teenage girl writing Dear diary.

I've never quite understood why girls write in diaries, I guess they have stuff going on in their life that they need to get off of their chest, like me. Everyone has stuff going on in his or her lives and I guess everyone deals with it differently, who knows what struggles others go through. We just have to be there for them anyway. Bridget has been the best help since my dad passed. I don't think I will let her read this journal though, I might tell her about what I write, but this journal is just for me.

I can't believe I, James Matthews is doing this, writing in a journal, but this is something I need to do. Here it goes

Time moves at different speeds, a second can feel like a lifetime and a day can feel like a second. I arrived at school on the 6th of June and was immediately in good spirits. I saw Bridget straight away and we gave each other our 1-year anniversary presents. I gave her a real silver necklace and in return she gave me a soccer ball I had had my eye on for a while. I was amazed that she remembered me telling her about it. We didn't have much time to talk, which was disappointing, but we promised to spend time with each other at recess. Bridget wasn't in most of my classes, so I hung out Robert Long (my best friend for 8 years). Robert and I are those old friends that are in every class, the ones that have known each other forever, although it hadn't been forever, it had been longer than the others in our class. We were also those friends that were known for making trouble, not the throw a kid out the window trouble (Cooper Downing and Travis Jones) but we weren't known to concentrate in class. We had really good relationships with out teachers and we were all quite friendly, which is why we didn't get in trouble for the things we did.

Today was different though, for instance he was trying to tell me a joke, but I just couldn't concentrate. I didn't want laughter on my mind, there was only one spot in my mind today, and it was full of Bridget. Robert probably hated me that day but I didn't have any time for him it seemed. Sure I half listened to his pointless words, but I didn't have any clue what he was actually saying. I thought about the fact that Bridget had chosen me over everyone other guy; I'm not the best-looking guy in the grade, so why did she choose me. I thought about the fact that we had been together a full year, for 12 months, 365 days, and I'm not smart enough to go on. I just hoped that the relationship never ended; actually I didn't hope that, I prayed it, I begged it and I wish it upon a star or whatever.

The Clock finally ticked around to 10:25 and the bell went. I rushed out of class as quickly as I could, but got stopped; I wish teachers could have better timing. Mr. Rogers wanted to know how I was going on my assignment. I tried to rush out of there, but he wouldn't believe me when I told him I wasn't having any problems because I was the only one in the class that hadn't asked for help. To be honest I hadn't actually started it, but I wasn't going to tell him that. When I finally escaped, I dumped by books and picked up my bag, as quickly as I could with picnic gear on my back I went to the edge of the football field to our tree. It might sound a bit pathetic or "Sappy", I just realized how funny that is, sitting at a tree is sappy. Anyways, it was where every single one of our dates had been. It was sacred for us or something like that. I set up the picnic and ran back to the year 12 area in search for her but couldn't see her…

I told her closest friends, Melissa and Georgia, to give her the message that I was at the football field. I sat there for the next 20 minutes wondering where she could've gotten to. When she did show up she explained that she had gotten detention for being late to class, and I then realized that it was my fault for talking to her longer. We talked all recess about the year we had spent together, the future. She lay down with her head resting in my lap, while I gently stroked her hair. It didn't seem that life could get any better, but then the moment was destroyed, the bell rang and we hadn't even finished our picnic. We packed it up and walked back holding hands; we decided to eat the rest of the picnic at Lunch. We walked off and got ready for our next classes. I wasn't too disappointed about the recess date being over as we had a double art with each other. This was the only class that we had together so we always savored it. Mr. Daniels told us that we had a free double to do anything we want as long as it was artistic. So Bridget and I decided to sit outside and draw each other.

Well if I do ever show anyone this journal I'm going to have to describe her, and myself for that matter. Lets start with her. Bridget Jackson had deep brown eyes, blonde hair down past her shoulders that she wore tied at the back; her hair was soft and smelled of coconuts. Wow I just realized how much of a girl I sound like. Just forget that. She had a thin body but always complained of her weight, like every girl, when she looked at you, it felt like she was the only person in the world, or at least the only one that matters. She was in grade 12 with me, but we had both been held back at preschool. She had 1 younger sister in year 9 named Tina, who was quite shy around me. Her parents were quite protective but knew me quite well now. I find it so hard to describe people, its easy for their appearance, but how do you explains someone else's personality, how do you explain how they make you feel. I think its just as hard to describe yourself, personally I hate talking about myself, cause I don't want to come across as bragging, or shy, or negative on myself. I will give it a go though.

I am fairly tall with kind of long, dark brown hair, I also have deep brown eyes, I have fairly wide shoulders, not like the ones of a gridiron or footy players, I am also thin, I don't have a six pack, but I'm working on it. That's the outside and hopefully this journal will give an insight to what I am like on the inside.

The day was already going fast, but that art lesson took the day from 80km per hour up to 100. My lesson after art wasn't too bad, we just watched a video, which just left me more time to think about the future. Then came our lunch date, I had already planned for her surprise roses, one from her best friend Georgia, one in her locker, two from her favourite teachers, one from a grade one boy and later in the day I gave her seven more. It was twelve altogether, because that was how many months we had been together. We set up our leftover picnic and started our lunch date, Robert decided to invite himself to our date and he came over and started whinging about not making the football team. "I'm the buffest guy in the grade!" He kept saying, "I should've made it!" He was so annoying that day, Bridget and I tried ignoring him, didn't work. Robert was hopeless to deal with. We ended up telling him that he should talk to the football coach because there must have been a mistake, so that got rid of him.

"Well that was a waste of time, and he ate the strawberries in chocolate!"

"At least he's finally gone" I patted her to comfort her, even though it wasn't needed.

After a bit of silence she continued, "Have you ever thought about…"

"Yeah, what?"

"About… Us"

"Yeah, well honestly, all the time. What in particular?"

"Umm" she always stuttered, one of the many things I admired about her "Like, our future," she continued.

"If we'll be together or not?"

"Well, yeah"

"Are you kidding me, it hasn't left my mind!"

"Well, sorry," She had such a soft voice, another thing I admired.

"No I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I meant that you're the most amazing thing going on in my life and I wouldn't be able to survive without you. Do you think about it?"

"Every single second of the day, without you, well I can't imagine life without you!"

"Well I'm glad were on the same page," my dumb humour…

"Do you think that maybe we wi..." The bell cut her off, and although I wanted to continue our conversation, it became too awkward. It was one of the best lunch times of my life, but like all good things, it had come to an end.

Next class in the day was History, the most boring class in the history of the world. That sounds funny. Even though it felt like it lasted forever, it's the class I have least to say about. After that was maths, for once algebra wasn't too bad, but it was after school that I had been looking forward to all day.

I had already told Dad that I would be home late because I was surprising Bridget and he was okay with it, and of course, my mum wasn't around. My mother passed when I was only three, and because I was so young I didn't understand what was happening around me. I badly wanted to see her now, we have pictures of her at home, but of course that's enough. A boy needs his Mum. I wish I could at least what she would've thought about me, would she be proud of whom I've become or wanted me to do better? I wish she were around.

Bridget and I talked for a little bit after school, but not long, she started to ride her bike home, so I decided I would start walking to the shopping centre not long away, then walk to her house. On the way to the shopping centre, I couldn't wait to see the surprise on her face, her mum knew I was coming, but I was desperate to know what Bridget's response would be. I arrived at the shopping centre and bought the chocolate (white and milk), the strawberries, something to drink and a basket to put the strawberries and chocolate, it was a little like a flower basket. I then set off for her house.

Only around the corner and my heart couldn't have been beating any faster, this was the moment I'd been waiting for, the past year of my life planning and waiting was about to pay off. I couldn't have been any more excited. This was the moment. I turned into her driveway, looking up at her window I could see her at her desk, this was perfect, the plan was coming into action.

I didn't ring the doorbell, but instead texted her mum as planned. She came to the door and opened it for me. Her face was beaming with happiness; I could tell that she was excited for us. Even though we hadn't always gotten along, she had come accustom to our relationship. "Hi Mrs Jackson," I whispered

"She's gonna be so surprised! I'm so happy for you guys!" I was near the stairs now and didn't want Bridget to hear so I didn't answer. I climbed the stairs as quiet as I could, luckily they weren't creaky, I reached the top and walked along the corridor. I passed the bathroom on the left, passed her parents bedroom on the right and reached her bedroom on the left my heart skipped a beat, I put the basket down, swallowed and entered.

Without turning around, Bridget said, "Have you ever heard of knocking Mum." I took a step "What can I help you with?" I took another step. She finished typing something and started to turn. I took one last step so I was only a meter away. She turned in her seat. "James!" Her face lit up brighter than the sun, like she hadn't seen daylight in four years and was stepping outside for the first time. Her joy transmitted out of her body and into the whole room. The colours of the room were suddenly vibrant. The only emotion was joy. She jumped out of her seat and leapt into my arms. I spun her around like I did when I hadn't seen her in a while. "What are you doing here James?"

"How could I just sit at home on our one year anniversary babe?"

"You're so sweet!"

Backing up to the door I said, "Well I also brought your favourite, chocolate and straberries" I picked up the basket and showed her the inside.

"James! How could I ever live without you," We laid out the picnic rug from recess and lunch and sat down to start on it.

"Did you have to bring food? We've eaten so much today, I'm so full!" she laughed at her own comment

"I know how much you love them, it was a romantic thing to do, sorry." We both laughed. I dipped a strawberry in chocolate and fed it to her.

"Mm delicious, somehow tastes better coming from your hands." She took another one and dipped it into the white chocolate and fed it to me.

"No, that cant be, they're way better from your hands,"

"Lets try at the same time then, on the count of three I feed one to you, and you feed me one,"

"Okay then, but you do know that wont prove anything?  
"You goof ball! One,"

"Two,"

Together we said "Three," it truly was better.

"You know what impresses me about you James?"

"My stunning looks?"

"That's a good joke and well, it is true but there's more,"

"My humour,"

"Your dad jokes?"

"They're not Dad jokes!"

"Of course they are!"

"You've got to be kidding me!"  
"Of course I am, keep guessing,"

"Oh I give up, just tell me,"

"After a whole year of dating, you still have the ability to surprise me,"

"You know what?"  
"What?"

"You're worth it," I leaned over and kissed her again.

"People have asked me before why I chose you,"  
"I ask myself why you chose me all the time, its really quite a mystery,"  
"Let me finish you goof,"

"You like calling me that don't you?"

"Its kinda your pet name, you know"

"I need to give you a pet name then,"  
"No, no you don't,"

"You not wanting one makes you need one even more!"

"Well, I know its cliché, but you already call me babe,"

"You're right, it is clichéd, but I like it,"

People throw words around like they have no meaning, they don't even think about what they're saying, or what it will mean or how it will come across. The phrase "Good Luck" is thrown around, and it makes no sense. In our grade 4 cross country, my Dad said "Good Luck Son", that's when I really started thinking about the phrase, the problem was I stayed at the starting line thinking about it. Everyone had finished their first lap before I'd started. Another common phrase that is overused with no meaning are those three little words "I Love You". I was in grade 7 and a couple had dated 2 months and they were saying it. That was when I swore that I would never just throw it around. After a while of thinking about it, it was finally my time to say it. I grabbed her hand. I held it tighter, like you would if it was slipping away, but I wasn't going to let it fall, I was hopefully going to make us stronger. "Do you even know how amazing you are?"

"Umm…"

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

I looked into her eyes, those beautiful deep brown eyes, how I loved them, how I loved her, how utterly perfect she was in my mind. I couldn't hold it in any longer, my mouth, heart and soul couldn't hold those three words in any longer, the build up had been successful, now for the finale. 'Here I go' I thought to myself. "I love you Bridget," the words escaped from my mouth.

"Oh, James." My heart stopped, was this a good "Oh, James" or not. I couldn't breathe, did I just make her uncomfortable, was it awkward now, what had I done! She continued "Oh, James. I Love you too."

I could suddenly breathe; my heart didn't only start again, but it beated faster than a cheetah could run. I kissed her. Right then and there I knew this relationship would go a very long way.


End file.
